Childhood

As I was sitting in church today watching a humorous skit on prayer, there was a little boy, maybe about 4 or 5 in front of us and he was enjoying the skit more than most of the adults that actually understood and related to it. But he was laughing and finding the actors and the situation hilarious!

It got me thinking about when I was a child and why I find that I wish that I could return to the days of my childhood. And then I wondered why...

Why do people envy the young?

Why do we wish that we could go back to that time in our life?

For me, it is because I was "innocent". I was unhurt, I was sure, I was full of life and love and joy beyond reason. I remember laughing like that little boy I saw today, laughing just because I could, because there was something funny going on. I may not have understood it, but I knew it was funny therefore I laughed.

I was unhurt by the world. I didn't know the disappointment in my own faults, the angst in worry, the betrayal from the shortcomings of others, the fear of failure...I wish that I could go back to that time when things were black and white. Love was simple, right and wrong were easy to see, you knew how to be honest without hurting anothers feelings. That time when you could forgive a friend and actually forget all together the reason you were mad in the first place.

That time when I was sure of who I was, what I wanted out of life, who I wanted to be, what I was supposed to do till then. When my judgment wasn't skewed because of all the things I have been hurt and disillusioned by. I didn't have to understand something fully to accept it as truth when it came from someone I trusted, like my parents, my friends, and God. So why now have I lost that trust in them?

I feel like I have scales on my eyes and with every new experience that happens (from what I listed above) the scales get thicker and the true person I am, the person God sees, the person I should see in the mirror, becomes more and more blurry.

I miss childhood and wish that I could have that again.