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Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The Watchers

Ch. 2

I ran as fast as my four legs would take me but it seemed that the longer I ran, the closer the menace behind me got. I knew I couldn’t get into my house because my family had this ridiculous obsession with closing doors; but if I could at least make it to into the bright porch lights, that might get it off my tail.

I buckled down and gave I my all toward the light with all the strength I had left in me. I skidded into the lights and turned around to face my pursuer, my back arched and my fur standing on end. I let out a bright hiss to let it know that now I was ready to face it. I stared into the blackness I had emerged from but nothing moved, nothing approached, it was still as if I had imagined this chase. A dead leaf scuttled across the pavement breaking the deafening silence and slowly dying away replaced by a deep chuckle.

“What’s wrong little kitty?” the deep dark called out.

I growled low at the bodiless voice, it chuckled back in response.

“Oh, ho, ho. Think you can evade me with a little light?”

I tried to respond but my voice had frozen in my throat and only a meager half squeak mad it out. I backed up till I was pressed against the side of the house. The light glinted off a pair of murderous black eyes, highlighting a blood red ring in the center. I backed up further into the wall desperately trying to become part of it. Another low chuckle rumbled out from the direction of the approaching eyes, slowly it was accompanied by a nose black as the darkness it came from. Yellow teeth cast into a wicked smile that came to sharp white points at the end came next causing my body to seize up in fear. All ability to move or make a sound of desperate help vanished in the sight of those horrific teeth, teeth that could rip out a dog’s throat…

Suddenly the front door opened casting a new warmer light upon my rigid body, a huge silhouette framed in the doorway. The sudden appearance of a new force made me jump a turn my back to the hideous teeth. Realizing that I had just made a critical error in my movements I jumped back to face the teeth. Booming laughter coming from the doorway jarred my brain out of its trance. I ran pell-mell to the door and past the giant legs into the safety of my house. I hadn’t realized that I was holding my breath during the whole showdown until I made it inside and collapsed on the living room floor in a heap letting out a staggered breath.

“Looks like the cat’s had and adventure” the big voice commented to 2 other family members in the room as he shut the door behind him.

‘CH! An adventure!?’ I thought to myself as I lay sprawled out on the carpet trying to catch my breath. ‘Those humans think they are so safe. They have no idea what we felines do to keep them safe from…’

Well from whatever was outside. I wasn’t sure what it was I had just faced down, but it sure was not good. Sooner or later I was bound to find out what it was that was prowling our once peaceful neighborhood. Hopefully it would be later rather than sooner.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Anxiety VS. Provision

Last night I had some real trouble sleeping. While I laid there in bed I wondered why my mind wouldn't rest, why was sleep evading me so readily...? I eventually put my finger on it, and it was my anxiety over the coming week.

I was placed last week (finally!!) in a 3rd grade classroom and I met my teacher and supervisor on Thursday. I have the nervousness of meeting a new class, taking over lessons, and actually teaching! i love to teach, but well, I get nervous before I do it. and I really don't know what to expect so that adds to it.

So now as I lay in bed I have unearthed my reason for my anxiouty and nervousness and I confess it to God whole heartedly and I am reminded of a verse I read earlier this week.
It was from Psamls 127:2, the second part of the verse... it says:

"...he grants sleep to those he loves."

and at the footnotes of this page concerning this verse it says:

"...for while they slepp, he provides for."

I clung to this verse! I know that God loves me and He will grant me the sleep I need.
He also provides for me.

To do my student teaching I need to have a badge. I went to get this said badge last Wednesday so I could start teaching lessons Monday. When I went however, they said that TSPC (the teaching liceseure for Oregon) had misplaced my fingerprints and I was unable to get my badge until I either had them redone or they were found.

I was not happy! I had waited all this time to be placed and now here was something else holding me back!! When I met my teacher and principle Thursday and confessed that I did not have my badge yet, I was informed that I would not be able to teach until I did but I could observe. Still, I was not happy...

But as I lay in my bed thinking about this I realized that God had provided for me while I slept earlier that week. He knew my fears and anxiousness about jumping in and having to teach right away. But he provided a way that I could not be allowed to teach.

Maybe I sound lame, but I believe that God understood my nervousness and made a way to relieve me of my worries until I can be sure in my abilities and the place he has put me. He thought of me and cared about my feelings, He validated them and understands them. I am so thankful.

So although, yes, it is a pain that I may have to be re-fingerprinted and have to take time out of school to get my badge, I am so thankful that I don't have to jump in and teach yet.

The second verse that was in the footnotes I love also cause it makes me think and wonder....what is God providing for me while I lay here at night and rest? God never rests, He has the time to provide for me.

What is He providing for you?

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

AMAZING!!! WONDERFUL!!! I LOVE HIM!!! THANK YOU!!!



Hooray!!! I am so happy!

Brandon sent me flowers!!!


They are beautiful and wonderful and he is wonderful!!!

I love them! And I love him!!

Thank you Brandon!

I love you!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

The Watchers

Ch 1.

I sat on the corner lot watching passing cars, their headlights reflecting off my bright green eyes startling hapless nighttime wanderers. I was on patrol. Rumors of a dangerous predator had moved into our neighborhood, which had supposedly been confirmed when the annoying pup down the street had mysteriously disappeared. Though no one is that concerned or distressed about his disappearance as he is by far the most annoying and obtrusive of all dogs, or any animal for that matter, that I have ever met. So the rumors that this new mysterious creature of the night did him in was plausible, but it was more likely that one of the neighbors, tired of that pups annoying antics of running in the middle of the street, chasing their small ones down the sidewalk and just generally making a big mess of things had finally done something about it. Things had gotten a little more serious in the past few days when many of my cohorts and friends had been trapped in their houses by their pets.

Humans, though smart enough to open doors and to put their appendages to good use, were too engrossed in their own lives to realize that it was, of course us, that had ownership on them. But the fact that these humans had the capacity and ability to open doors faster and more efficient than we could, many of us were trapped indoors most nights now leaving me to patrol the nights, like tonight.

So far it had been a quite night as I went on my patrol cruising my way through the arborvitaes of Mr. Brooks, the single older man living on his own next door to my house. It was theorized by our group that he was allergic to us, which was why he had never found a suitable caretaker, for that is what many of us became, in our own sense. You see my cohorts and I, from around the neighborhood, had decided to create our own group of watchers, keeping peace on our turf, watching out for each other and those in our area. And that’s what we became, The Watchers.

Like I said, it was quite in the neighborhood, however in the stillness I could feel eyes watching me. I sat still, holding my breathe, not one part of me moving, waiting for the stalker to show him self. The wind whispered over the late summer grass and tickled my nose. I couldn’t smell the intruder quite yet, but I could sense him sitting not far from me. I decided that I might try luring him out for at least a glimpse; I had no desire for a confrontation at this time, only quite and careful observation. I meandered across the lawn to the surrounding fence, lightly hopping to the middle support beam and then to the top for a better view. I heard a rustling behind me. I jerked my head in the direction it came from, my ears perked forward, listening intently. Waiting. A hiss from below me made my tail hairs bristle. The whole fence shook as something ran into it. I dug my claws into the weather worn wood and let out a short hiss. The fence shook again, this time I bolted. I wasn’t ready to take on whatever creature that could shake a whole fence. As I ran out of the yard and down the sidewalk I heard the scrapings of claws coming after me. Oh No! This nameless unknown force was after me. I darted across Ms. Walkers yard but the clawing only turned to thudding on the dead grass, and it got louder! It was gaining on me! I took a chance on the open street, hoping that this creature had more sense than to follow me out there where the human’s large movers ran wildly, and sometimes without hesitation, down our streets. But the clicking of nails on concrete only got louder and continued as it continued it’s pursuit. I buckled down and ran at my fullest. Trying desperately to escape. None of my evasions were working as I darted to a fro. What was I going to do? Stand and fight?

Hooray! I am placed! It has finally happened! I was placed today at Winterhaven Elementary School in south east Portland. I will be in a 3rd grade class which is cool. I'm really excited to start!
Now that I am placed the real work begins...

I have to do my background check

I have to get a Portland Public School badge

And start writing and teaching lessons.

This is what I wanted...to start teaching. Finally I can begin to finish my degree!

Thank you for your prayers and support!

Monday, September 22, 2008

In the calm...

The other night as I was dreaming, there was a song playing over and over again in my head. Well actually a phrase from a choir song that I sang at college.

"In the calm of Your presence
I am listening Lord.
I am still, I am quite, I am Yours."

In my dream I kept singing this line over and over. The whole song is beautiful and I love it.
Here is the entire song.

In the calm of Your presence
I am listening Lord,
I am still, I am quite, I am Yours.

In the calm of Your presence
I am listening Lord,
I am still, I am quite, I am Yours.

Let Your word speak to me
Let Your spirit draw near,
I will obey the truth that I hear.

In the calm of Your presence
I am listening Lord,
I am still, I am quite, I am yours

There's a thirst in my soul
For Your wisdom divine
I long for the peace
And life that I find

In the calm of Your presence
I am listening Lord,
I am still, I am quite, I am Yours
So still, silent, I am Yours
I am still, I am quite, I am Yours
I am Yours

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Childhood

As I was sitting in church today watching a humorous skit on prayer, there was a little boy, maybe about 4 or 5 in front of us and he was enjoying the skit more than most of the adults that actually understood and related to it. But he was laughing and finding the actors and the situation hilarious!

It got me thinking about when I was a child and why I find that I wish that I could return to the days of my childhood. And then I wondered why...

Why do people envy the young?

Why do we wish that we could go back to that time in our life?

For me, it is because I was "innocent". I was unhurt, I was sure, I was full of life and love and joy beyond reason. I remember laughing like that little boy I saw today, laughing just because I could, because there was something funny going on. I may not have understood it, but I knew it was funny therefore I laughed.

I was unhurt by the world. I didn't know the disappointment in my own faults, the angst in worry, the betrayal from the shortcomings of others, the fear of failure...I wish that I could go back to that time when things were black and white. Love was simple, right and wrong were easy to see, you knew how to be honest without hurting anothers feelings. That time when you could forgive a friend and actually forget all together the reason you were mad in the first place.

That time when I was sure of who I was, what I wanted out of life, who I wanted to be, what I was supposed to do till then. When my judgment wasn't skewed because of all the things I have been hurt and disillusioned by. I didn't have to understand something fully to accept it as truth when it came from someone I trusted, like my parents, my friends, and God. So why now have I lost that trust in them?

I feel like I have scales on my eyes and with every new experience that happens (from what I listed above) the scales get thicker and the true person I am, the person God sees, the person I should see in the mirror, becomes more and more blurry.

I miss childhood and wish that I could have that again.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Romancing a stone

There are days when I feel distant from God, ya know? I know that HE is there, and I know that HE is providing and blessing me, even though I don't see it. That is where my faith comes in. I gain my understanding that "...faith is the evidence of things unseen..." ("In my minds eye" by DC Talk). I sometimes can't see it, or maybe I don't completely understand it but I know and I believe it.

What I really wanted to say though is the times God is providing and faithful and blessing me in my life and I DO see it!

Last week I hung out with one of my best friends Christi. We had lunch, did some shoe shopping and then went to the book store. While there I found a book I really wanted, which isn't hard cause I LOVE BOOKS!!!! And I tend to buy a lot of them. But this was a book that had been recommended by several people and that had been on my lists of books to buy for a while. It was of course at full price but I picked it up and said I'll just hold onto it while I think about it. Christi happened to have a copy which she would let me borrow so I was considering that.

While we continued our shopping time we wandered into the music area of the book store and I found a display of head phones. I lent mine to a friends sister on a trip and I haven't received them back, but it's really no big deal. So I have been thinking about buying a new pair for a while, but I just haven't. so this day I thought, "well, maybe I'll pick up a pair..." while I stood there deciding what type of headphones I wanted, I rationalized with myself that I really didn't need to buy headphones today, plus I'm trying to be wiser with the little money I'm blessed with, and I figured that I have lived with out headphones for over a month and it hasn't killed me yet, so I could wait a little longer before I got some. I also decided that the book could wait and that I could borrow it from Christi later on, besides I'm reading another book right now so I prolly wont read it for a while. So in the end I walked out of the store with no purchases (which is pretty good considering it was a book store!)

Later that day I was hanging out with Brandon at his place, and he nonchalantly handed my a pair of headphones he had bought earlier that summer. I didn't think anything of it at the time, I was kind of surprised, but he explaind that he had found a pair in storage the other day and didn't need these anymore. I took them thnakfully and stuck them in my purse. Later that night I realized what had happend and I had to thank Brandon again. He had just given me a free pair of the same headphones I had been looking at earlier that day! It was amazing, a total God thing that I didn't buy them and that Brandon gave them to me!

I was so thankful for God's provision on something so small! It totally made my week to see his blessing in my life. But HE wasn't finished with me yet!

That next Sunday I was hanging out with a friend and we took a trip to Goodwill (which is, btw, the BEST place to get books!) and I spied a book by the same author of the other book I wanted to buy at the bookstore. I wasn't sure if it was the dame book I wanted cause the cover was different, so I asked my mom to check my book list for me, which I had left at home, and it turned out it was! I was amazed! Here was the very same book for $4!! God had provided me with the very book I desired at 1/4 of the cost! Not only that, but there were 2 copies and I had my friend buy the other one cause this was too good a deal to pass up.

God had provided me with 2 things, 2 things I desired that week! I don't know what I can attribute it too. It was nothing that I did. I didn't pray for these things, I didn't ask God, I never thought that I would find these things at a better price and save myself money. But God saw the desire in me for these things, and maybe they are trivial and small things, but to HIM, HE saw a small trinket, a toy that costs pennies to HIM but would make his daughter happy and HE bought them for me. HE provided these things!

It just amazes me to think about how much God loves me and shows me HIS love when HE does that. HE can see into my desires, I don't need to tell HIM! HE already knows! I love it! I love HIM!

My Father, my God...He is providing, He is romancing me, I am falling in love with HIM more and more, not because HE buys me things, but because HE cares about me, even down to the smallest most insiginificant desire or want I have. I can't even begin to fathom the depth of HIS love...

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

So I was thinking that maybe I should start with that obligatory "Welcome and Hello" blog, but I figured I'd skip that since no one really wants to read that.

Today I hung with Brandon, which is what we do every Tuesday, and we went to his storage unit to move some of his stuff that he doesn't use out of his room. While there we were goofing off and I tried to run away from Brandon and I lost my footing and fell. In the process of falling I hit the door frame where the door part (the thing that sticks out) goes into the frame (the part with the hole) and I scraped my arm by my armpit and tore my shirt. I also scraped my knee a bit and slammed my hands into the ground. I'm doing just fine, I have a lovely scratch and bruise on my arm from where I hit the door frame, and a little blood on my shirt.

Brandon was very concerned, but I laughed. I think it is hilarious when I fall, and I have fallen so many times in my life that it doesn't bother me anymore. Plus having scars makes me feel COOL!! I relate my fall though to my Christian life.

(I'm gonna make this specific, put it in self terms and not general "we", "us" terms)

I think that sometimes I'm afraid to "fail" or "fall" so I don't do the things that God has planed for me. But sometimes I think HE wants me to "fall". Not because HE is mean, or vicious, or that HE relishes in Schadenfreude (Pleasure derived by someone from another person's misfortune. Pretty much why we laugh when people fall down or get hit or something like that), but I think that sometimes HE wants me to "fall" because through that pain and experience I learn a lesson and I grow as a person.

I also can attribute this experience to running ahead of God. And sometimes falling is God's way of telling me to SLOW DOWN!!! I can get ahead of God on things and maybe that's not where HE want's me or I'm supposed to get there a different way but I want to be there NOW so I run, and I loose my balance cause my focus is no longer on God and HIS will but myself and my will.

So
"...in the end" (Phrase from Golden Slumbers from Happy Feet soundtrack), what was the lesson I learned?

Don't run with flip flops on smooth cement.

~Becky